'm a virtuous kinda man, who likes nothing more than baking with the right person, and socialising with my good mate, Tom Cruise, who admires my gracious qualities.

The first thing people usually notice about me is my kind personality, closly followed by my smashing toes. I can be a jerk when I don't know people well - with body parts like my toes and my fingernails, I can afford to be.

I work as a teacher, helping students. This allows me to exercise my skills: leadership and looking after people. One day, I was just about to stop work when Tom Cruise appeared from nowhere and congratulated me on a job well done. " that was a job well done." That's the kind of thing people say to me on a daily basis. Of course, now, Tom Cruise and me are best friends, and the praise runs like water. A lesser man would get a big head.

My life goals include:
Meet Douglas Adams' ghost
Shoot a follow-up to the perfume advert I star in
Become the best teacher I can be
If you're the right person for me, you'll be lovable and energetic. You won't be afraid to speak their mind and will have a healthy respect for the environment.

My ideal date would involve boxing in Wales with a slimy person by my side. While we're there, I evaluate your curvaceous fingers, checking that you're up to my understandably high standards.

People only get one chance with me. For every person who displeases me, there are another 111 waiting in the wings to replace you.